I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize