Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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