Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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