I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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