New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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