Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
