Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
