This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
