So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
But we have bathrooms and they dont
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
