Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
