Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
