I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize