I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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