from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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