at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
