Having a random hookup so left but love u
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
