I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I will be naked everywhere
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
