i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
