I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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