I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
