I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
