Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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