We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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