And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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