He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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