pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
jump out the window naked night went bad
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
