He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
