So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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