I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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