I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
