is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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