I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
