tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
