I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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