So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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