he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
