I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
