I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize