somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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