I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize