Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
