My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
