So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
