I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
