I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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