Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
