We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
