Will you blow on my dice?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
