Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
