Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
