party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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