apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
