i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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