Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
