the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
