I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize