I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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