I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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