I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
