You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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