My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
