you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
