There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Randomize
