so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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