We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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