I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
