Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
